One Of These Days...

[Kukini]

I wrote this song, and yes I know it every line ryhmes but I kinda like it. Has an upbeat Recently sound to it. Tell me what you think.

One of these days
I'm gonna go
Gonna grab my things
And hit the road

My old life I'm
Leavin it all behind
Someday I'll be back
To make you mine

I've waved goodbye
To my yesterdays
Not enough here
For me to stay

Time after time
I said I'd go
This time's for real
I think you know

Please say no more
I made my mind
I need to go
I think it's time

I'm wasting time
Here with you
I gotta run
I just have too

Don't hold on
To yesterdays
There's plenty more
Sunny days

Wait here on this step
I wish there were more to say
But I'm out of here
I promise to be back someday

I've waved goodbye
To my yesterdays
Not enough here
For me to stay

Don't beg me to
I'm not gonna stay
Don't plead with me
I'm not gonna stay
Wait for me
I'll be back some day
But right now
I'm not gonna stay

Code: Select all

Main Riff:

E:-----------------------
B:-----------------------
G:------4\5--------------
D:--------------3--------
A:------------5------3---
E:---3-------------5-----

"I've waved goodbye..."

E:------------------------
B:------------------------
G:---5----5----5------5---
D:---x----x----x------x---
A:---x----x----x----1\3---
E:---5----3----1----------

edit: yes the guitar is very Dave esque, but forgive me for my lack of creativity.

[Kukini]

hm... 34 views, no replies, it's ok to tell me if you think it sucks guys. Just gimme something.

[You_Enjoy_Myself]

I just played your guitar parts, and they sound a little boring, although I could be playing them entirely different than you. Tough to tell without a recording. The lyrics are fine, a little cliche perhaps, but not bad at all.

[Kukini]

I just played your guitar parts, and they sound a little boring, although I could be playing them entirely different than you. Tough to tell without a recording. The lyrics are fine, a little cliche perhaps, but not bad at all.

[url]hxxp://s6.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1ANDXV81FPQD52BLYFL5285QVF[/url]

That's how I'm playing it. Gimme an idea on how to change it.

[mangold]

hxxp? thats hawt.


the lyrics are ok in my book, a little cliche like mitch said, but also seem a little choppy and like the fit into a cookie cutter pattern (or progression as the case may be) vary em a bit.

id like to hear a full recording please. thanks that is all

[You_Enjoy_Myself]

Code: Select all

Main Riff:

E:-----------------------3-----------------------------3------
B:-----------------------3-----------------------------3----
G:------4\5------------------------4/5---------4--5-------- D:--------------3-------------------------3--5----------------
A:------------5------3---------------------------------------
E:---3-------------5-----------3-------------------------------

"I've waved goodbye..."

E:------------------------
B:--(5)--(5)--(5)----(5)----------
G:---5----5----5------5---
D:---3----3----3------2---
A:---x----x----x----1\3---
E:---5----3----1----------

After listenign to your sample, and jamming it out a couple times, I came up with these parts. Not really drastic changes, but just a little something to spice it up. It might not be where you want the song to go though. I don't have the stuff to record it set up right now, so I can't send a recording.

[RunsWithBuffalo]

Yeah, definitely has a recently feel to it, but those changes that Mitch suggested sounded pretty good. I like the lyrics, they are simple and could be pretty catchy if sung right. Love to hear a recording.

[Kukini]

Code: Select all

Main Riff:

E:-----------------------3-----------------------------3------
B:-----------------------3-----------------------------3----
G:------4\5------------------------4/5---------4--5-------- 
D:--------------3-------------------------3--5----------------
A:------------5------3---------------------------------------
E:---3-------------5-----------3-------------------------------

"I've waved goodbye..."

E:------------------------
B:--(5)--(5)--(5)----(5)----------
G:---5----5----5------5---
D:---3----3----3------2---
A:---x----x----x----1\3---
E:---5----3----1----------

After listenign to your sample, and jamming it out a couple times, I came up with these parts. Not really drastic changes, but just a little something to spice it up. It might not be where you want the song to go though. I don't have the stuff to record it set up right now, so I can't send a recording.

Thanks for the help Mitch, I'm having a hard time fingering the chorus. How do you do it? And the way I have it, it's very simple to finger the verse, but this is baffling me, am I dumb? What are you using for it?

Sorry if I sound dumb, I'm really starting to like this song though. I want to finish it.

And praise, it is very choppy, but I try to syncopate it a bit to avoid repetetivity(is that a word?).

[You_Enjoy_Myself]

Marq: My fingerings for the chorus are a bit of a stretch. For the notes in brackets, I was just kinda laying my pinky out flat sometimes, and sometimes I'd get that note in there, and sometimes I wouldn't. It sounds okay, but it's not necessary.

Code: Select all

e------------------------------------------------------
B--(5) 4------(5)-4------(5)-4------(5)-4----------------------
G---5--4-------5--4-------5--4-------5--4------------------
D---3--1-------3--2-------3--2-------2--1---------------------
A---X----------X----------X----------3--2-------------------
E---5--3-------3--1-------1--1----------------------------

There's what fingerings I'm using. Hope that helps a little.

[Kukini]

Hey, thanks, that's what I was doing. I'm still dicking around with it, hopefully something good comes out of it.

[GreedylilPig]

I was hoping this was a cover of Jackson Browne's "These Days." But that's alright.

Lyrics ain't bad, a little cliche, as mentioned, but not to an intolerable degree. I'd be interested in hearing a recording if you get a chance.