New single with new singer. please critique! whoo. w/ lyric

[Tranman66]

This is our first single together. It's actually an old song but now we have a chance to record it. lyrics and guitar done by me. It's a little poppy but it comes out good i think. Give me your critiques!

Sorry about the massive reverb at the beginning, it shoudl be gone when the strumming comes.

Always up to improve.

http://s22.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1NO1 ... XZM89D04U6

same song, another link.
http://s22.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2PPU ... 02FGIUA283

I will be there

the two of us in the mid of winter
surrendering the silence as we're pondering
eyes would tell the stories but we're just sitting here
wondering with nothing left for desire

CHORUS
Touch me with you sense of wonder
we will ride this hazy wind together
we will be strong, to carry on
so hold me, baby, i will be there

Everytime i see you i cant help to think
about our memories of ups and upsidedowns
embracing whats left of our timid fire
and tonight it will last forever

chorus

instrumental break

chorus

you never know whats ahead
its either me and you or you and me
together we rise and move on

i will be there...
i will...

[You_Enjoy_Myself]

The guitar seems solid, the lead at the start gets a little repetitve, but whatever, it's a good intro.

As for the girl's voice, it's good, but it sounds like she could be even better. She gets off key a few times, and it sounds like she's singing from her throat a bit too much at times.

Solid song though Tran, your playing and songwriting has definitely come a long way.

[Tranman66]

thanks for the comment. I am glad you like it.

[Tranman66]

please i need more comments...

come on, this board seems to be so slow now. what happened?

[GreyBlueAnt]

Seems like people always sing from their throat when they're timid about a song, or even part of a song, she sounds good during the parts where she sings loud, but that should be expected. she needs to work on better tone for the quieter parts. Confidence is key. But overall i like it. Good writing.

[Tranman66]

double. my bad.

If you're gonna vote that you dont like it. Please give an explanation so i would know why.

[MWR]

Your playing has improved a ton since you first started posting. Really solid rhythm and you didn't try to do too much with it, bravo.

As for the singer, she has a good voice but she doesn't have control over it. I disagree that she sounds better on the louder passages, she's yelling not singing and it's a little overbearing. Around the 3 minute mark is where her potential starts showing itself.

[Tranman66]

thanks mike. i agree with you on her voice. she forced the chorus a little too much. she has great potential, thats why we're working together, and it was her first time recording and singing lead.

[dmbguitar718]

Just like everyone else said - solid rhtyhm. Not much to say. I'm also not good at critiquing voices, so I won't join in that discussion.

The lead however - come on, put some feeeeeeling into it. There was expression. Where are the bends/slides/hammerons/pulloffs/etc. I'd say just work on making that lead track a bit more original and expressve.

[Tranman66]

Just like everyone else said - solid rhtyhm. Not much to say. I'm also not good at critiquing voices, so I won't join in that discussion.

The lead however - come on, put some feeeeeeling into it. There was expression. Where are the bends/slides/hammerons/pulloffs/etc. I'd say just work on making that lead track a bit more original and expressve.

lol yeah. that will be fixed. i didnt put effort into that, but i will.