An original about WWII

dmbvideos · Post by **dmbvideos** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:09 pm

Hey,

I was just wondering if I could get your opinion on this song I wrote about the bombing of Dresden in WWII.

Look In Her Eyes

Any feedback would be great. Thanks!

Tony | dmbvideos.com

DJR · Post by **DJR** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 9:32 pm

hey that was pretty cool, the mood of the song really represents a war well IMO, i especially like the 'footage' in the middle, good job
if i had to give one piece of advice it would be to not put your future work in a zip folder - but thats not a big deal, so good job

EDIT - cool site btw, it was a shame to see the true reflections site go down

moe.ron · Post by **moe.ron** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 2:20 am

i actually wrote a poem after reading Slaughter House Five which deals with dresden and whatnot since the book is sort of about that. Here is if interested. I thought about turning it into lyrics. Its called Pilgrim.

Pilgrim

every moment that passes from one to the next
slipping in and out from tommorrow back then
decisions are there but they are not made
frozen in a moment and what is to be played
A dresden sky falls all around
but the only surroundings are cold from below
the mines and bodies built and run
from children and men who carried this gun
unstuck from now and then and all in between
the good and the bad are to be seen
from this moment and on back and forth
plenty of moments are what they are worth
but what about the dresden sky?
one moment calm and the other on fire
so it goes on and again
the children march on saving from sin

Xoosh · Post by **Xoosh** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 1:22 pm

i made a graphic about it after learning about it in my history class.

heh by the way when you zip an mp3 you save zero space. mp3's are allready condensed =) they uncondense as they read in the mp3 player... dont make extra steps for people to listen to your music they may not

here's my critique:
this song has a very cool ballad feel to it and for that i think your tallent really shines through with the lyric writing. The guitar work is very solid. You could definitely sing with more heart... sing a bit away from your mic so that you can really belt it...

/x

udied405 · Post by **udied405** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 6:35 pm

Ye aman that's pretty good!

what did you do to the vocals it's a pretty sweet sound...

jojo321 · Post by **jojo321** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:14 pm

really really good

i really really enjoyed it.....could u possibly tab it out for me?

dmbvideos · Post by **dmbvideos** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 9:25 pm

Xoosh wrote:heh by the way when you zip an mp3 you save zero space.

Oh, i know that. The reason I zipped it was so that people wouldn't stream it off the server. Most people are dumb, but I reckon that people on these boards are smarter than the average Internet user. Next time i'll just post the mp3 link.

As for singing, yeah, I know i need to improve. I will try the mic further back next time.

Tab... hmmm, here it is:

Intro: Am
Verse: Am G Am
Chorus: Dm Am E Am Dm Am G Am
Bridge: F G Am x3

Thanks for the critiques! I'll record some more originals soon.

Tony | dmbvideos.com

jojo321 · Post by **jojo321** » Fri Dec 12, 2003 3:32 pm

thanks alot