NEW SONG!!! --"Shine"--

Post recordings you have made here and get feedback from the community. Songwriting topics would also reside here.

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philtheman
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NEW SONG!!! --"Shine"--

Post by philtheman »

First song that I wrote to be put up here for critiquing. Its called "Shine" everything on here I played; my main instument is drums and has been for 6 years no that I am 17 so keep that in mind when your hear not-so-good vocals and bass etc. I'm going to add drums later. Please leave any kind of feedback. Thanks


http://www.sendspace.com/file/o5nkn3
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Post by Kahn »

Hey man this isn't half bad. I've only listened to it while watching the game so Im not completely into it, but its not a bad song. I'll critique later.
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Post by Appfro »

I like it. the piano part is really poppy and a bad melody could have ruined it, but i really like what you did w/ it.

my main critique is the dropping off of the piano for the chorus. since you're getting higher, it's more powerful, therefore if anything, the music should get louder imo. your voice sort of reminds me of john butler's a little bit.

i LOVE the change for the bridge. i wish you still had some piano in it, but it's a great change.

as soon as you fix your recording quality a little bit this is going to be a keeper. and your quality isn't the worst i've heard, it just could be better.

good stuff, good tune. glad i listened.
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Post by RunsWithBuffalo »

Wow, love the piano, the voice is really strong. This is a really well thought out piece.

I agree that the piano should stay throughout but i like how dropping it opened up room for your voice. Still, just have it outline the chords, dont drop it completely.

The sun will come out tommorw part is catchy.

The mix needs some work, what are you using to mix with?
Turn the bass down
Turn the Vocals up

I like the outro too, good listen

Well done.
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Post by mbent4679 »

The sun will come out tommorow? Isn't that a line from a song in the musical annie. :oops: the recording was great. Good job.
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Post by philtheman »

Thank you very much for the crit. and feedback. Ya, unfortunatley, "The sun will <b>come</b> out tomorrow is in annie, but I say "The sun will <b><i>shine</b></i> tomorrow
Thanks again. I was really self concious about my voice.
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Post by Kahn »

Also there are like 9 song called Shine, so change the title IMO
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Post by RunsWithBuffalo »

I like his better than Trey's
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Post by Kahn »

Trey's Shine is the exact chords from Velvet Underground's "Rock n Roll"

Whats the other shine from Soul something? Collective Soul?
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Post by philtheman »

Any suggestions for names?
The original title was Tomorrow
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Post by hofdaddy »

whooooooo
wait you waiting for tomorrow

Collective soul is gay dude.
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Post by lyrics101 »

The Newsboys have a great, catchy-ass song called Shine as well.

Hang on, I'm going to listen to this...
Stay with me, safe and ignorant.
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Post by hofdaddy »

just change the title homo sapien
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Post by mangold »

I love piano when used well in songs, this is no exception.

The vocals sound damn good, I wish they were louder though. I wish the piano was carried all the way through, its so strong in the beginning the contrast when it cuts is almost too much.

Your voice is fantastic. add you to my list of voices I'm jealous of.

I well written, beautifully performed piece. keep it up and keep posting.
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philtheman
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Post by philtheman »

mangold wrote:I love piano when used well in songs, this is no exception.

The vocals sound damn good, I wish they were louder though. I wish the piano was carried all the way through, its so strong in the beginning the contrast when it cuts is almost too much.

Your voice is fantastic. add you to my list of voices I'm jealous of.

I well written, beautifully performed piece. keep it up and keep posting.
Wow, thanks alot *blushes*. Ya I was just messing around on the piano for a cool intro and recorded not nearly enough. I actually had to loop the piano to get the length that it is at now. But will record later. Thanks again
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