The fence original

mbent4679 · Post by **mbent4679** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 3:26 pm

sorry bout the parts that don't make sense I kinda through them in as i was recording and didn't have any words yet I plan to add some soon.
Do you guys think a simple violin riff at the end would be to corny?

http://www.sendspace.com/file/7tgjut

mbent4679 · Post by **mbent4679** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 8:12 pm

Any tips should i just through the song out. are the words hard to understand in this one?

mangold · Post by **mangold** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:35 pm

yay mp3! ill dl as soon as the wav finishes... only one dl a time from sendspace

mbent4679 · Post by **mbent4679** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:41 pm

Hey sorry for the wav file for the last time jesus what the hell do you have up your ass man.

mangold · Post by **mangold** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:42 pm

the guitar is classy but your voice is weaker in this one. I cant literally understand all of the lyrics, but from what i can hear they are an improvement on your other ones, but still far from strong. post em.

mangold · Post by **mangold** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:42 pm

mbent4679 wrote:Hey sorry for the wav file for the last time jesus what the hell do you have up your ass man.

... um... nothing?

mbent4679 · Post by **mbent4679** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:47 pm

cool im still workin on a sronger voice I just got an eight track so now I tune my voice according to the recording. The worst part is I start the vocals off key. That bothered me I'll work on it though got plenty of time.

mangold · Post by **mangold** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:50 pm

tune with an 8 track? i dont understand

Appfro · Post by **Appfro** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:54 pm

the guitar part is decent. you have some stops in the rhythm, but not enough to make me hate it or anything, sounds a bit emoish...

your voice is in key, but a bit weak. try to add some punch.

i like this song a lot more full chorded than i did arpeggioed, but the transition was bad. at the same time it made it sound like a dave jam, especially w/ the vocal jamming...but that's not a bad thing, i wouldn't get rid of that. it also has some other 90's influences in it that i can't put my finger on right now, but it sounded good. a lot more passionate.

mbent4679 · Post by **mbent4679** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:54 pm

Another sad day
a different way at lookin
at the world in my defence
this fucking fence
restricting me and tearing me to shreds

Chorus
as i hold my own fortune
depends what i do with it
as i walk in circle deciding what i should or shouldn't say

I feel love but I do not know what to say
wait till a different day to grow
to show mans it hard to fallow this flow

bridge
to create
to make agian
wishing you would come to me
cause i can't procede

whatshername · Post by **whatshername** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:01 pm

you sound like adam sandler

the guitar is nice, voice needs work though

mbent4679 · Post by **mbent4679** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:03 pm

mangold wrote:tune with an 8 track? i dont understand

I can find out what sounds good and what doesn't and tune it it may be a while but i like doin it