"Sleep" New Original

Appfro · Post by **Appfro** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:14 pm

This is a new one by me. It's in all honesty a 180 from my usual writing style that it makes me nervous to let other people hear it. i've gotten mixed reviews on it thus far, but since one of those reviews was good, i figured i would let you guys hear it. hope you like it, but if you don't, don't be afraid to tell me. i'm definitely not 100% done w/ it and if i get some good ideas for changes, i might take the advice.

sleep
http://www.sendspace.com/file/hy6hs4

Nitro1515 · Post by **Nitro1515** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:40 pm

I really liked it. The guitar part reminded me of Damien Rice. I thought your voice was solid and the lyrics were fitting. I can't really think of anything I didn't like, nice work.

captainburrito · Post by **captainburrito** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:50 pm

Mitch, I am really enjoying this a lot. I think your voice is absolutely fantastic on this song. I think i commented before that you have a Gavin DeGraw-ish feel to your voice...and it comes through again on this song, but in an original sounding way (if that makes any sense). There are a few parts that sound like they could be a little more polished (like a couple of sloppy slides here and there), but those were few and far between...Solid job man!

mbgreen · Post by **mbgreen** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:56 pm

I really liked it. Couple suggestions:

Minor thing, but whenever you sing the "God I love you" part, the guitar part sounds like you're having trouble with it. That will just fix itself with time though.

Shorten it up. It's a great little tune. But I think it would be a lot better if it were 3.5 minutes or so. The song is really good, but it doesn't have the kind of dynamic changes most 5+ minute songs have. Now, I don't mean that it SHOULD have those kinds of changes. It would kinda fuck it up if it did, in my opinion. But I found my attention wandering after a bit, cause it was just too repetitive for too long.

Overall, great job apps. Enjoyed it.

Speenis · Post by **Speenis** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 2:31 pm

I liked that transition part with the sliding on the fretboard around the 4 min mark. It does sound a little drawn out though. Maybe throw in a solo or something? I think you should get rid of one of the choruses and start that bridge sooner. Then maybe a little solo towards the end. Vocals were pretty damn good. I enjoyed the dynamics of your vocals particularly towards the end.

Nice job overall. Like Michael said, a tad too long and drawn out. KISS

ps. no I'm not kissing you, keep it simple stupid

sfmartins · Post by **sfmartins** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:02 pm

Man, it that really you?!

I love the guitar and vocals fit in very well. You change a lot the tone while singing and it sounds pretty cool.

I'm impressed and this song is jumping into my iTunes!

Kahn · Post by **Kahn** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:03 pm

Not much to critique. I like it, maybe mix it up with a pre-chorus or refrain. Try changing your tonic chord to a minor for a chilling refrain or something. Nice work Appfro

mangold · Post by **mangold** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 5:12 pm

God I love your shit. The guitar part is great, so hard to come up with original progressions.

The lyrics are decent, im really damn harsh on lyrics so i would say they're a little pop/chiche ish, but not to the point that i would change em if i were you. I havent written anything this original, i just have high standards that i cant meet.

i would say that it sounds like you're still a little rusty on this one instrumentally, there are a few (a VERY few) awkward transitions and dropped notes.

overall a damn good song as always you ass. don't stop posting man

Appfro · Post by **Appfro** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 9:58 pm

hey thanks for the comments everyone. i'm working on a way to cut the bridge short. i think i'm just going to cut the second half of it out.

now the question is, should i go from verse two - bridge - chorus or should i leave that second chorus between verse two and the bridge?

anyone got an opinion?

Speenis · Post by **Speenis** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 10:17 pm

get rid of the second chorus

myxomatosis · Post by **myxomatosis** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:24 am

The guitar and vocals sound very good. I agree that you should shorten it down to about 3-3.5 minutes. My biggest complaint would be that the lyrics are pretty cliche/corny. Overall you did a great job though.

Appfro · Post by **Appfro** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:33 am

jsgksu · Post by **jsgksu** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:35 am

stoca2 · Post by **stoca2** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:22 pm

jsgksu wrote:

Appfro · Post by **Appfro** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:30 pm

i hate you both