Original "Tomorrow Today"

[mattinbeloit]

Just worte this last night and did a quick recording in my room, tell me what you think, I will be redoing this in the studio sometime soon. I worte the words below...

http://s60.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=18GE ... MTYPPVMTG0

"Tomorrow Today"

Stuck beneath the weight of
A thousand falling things
Where did all the time go
Lost inside a dream
Hiding in the shadows
Save me from a life
Falling down around me
Wouln't you save me from myself

Think about tomorrow
Forget about today
How it makes my life go by
So subtly dismissed
Surround myself in sorrow
No fault but my own
Wish that I could change it now
And give back what I owe

What I owe is nothing
In anothers eyes
But what I owe myself is someting I will never find
See the life I'm missing
And the one that I once had
See the life tomorrow takes
Until I live today

Stuck beneath the weight of
A thousand falling things
Where does all the time go
I'm stuck inside today

[Trippin Hillbilly]

So who wrote these lyrics?

[Trippin Hillbilly]

Wanted to review:

Nice guitar work. Good recording. Good lyrics.

The only thing i'd like to hear you change is the way you sing it. It's hard to explain but I think it would sound better if you sang with a bit more conviction.

Right now I just don't believe the lyrics and it seems like you're over pronouncing every word instead of actually singing.

[eliot1171]

Wanted to review:

Nice guitar work. Good recording. Good lyrics.

The only thing i'd like to hear you change is the way you sing it. It's hard to explain but I think it would sound better if you sang with a bit more conviction.

Right now I just don't believe the lyrics and it seems like you're over pronouncing every word instead of actually singing.

I agree about the singing, it sounds kind of like your wispering. Maybe thats what you were going for though. Im not going to critique your guitar or recording quality because they were both good.

[6_strings_for_life]

wow, this is great..

The guitar work seems solid and the lyrics flow with it. The lyrics are nice too, I like the second group.

nice job!

[mattinbeloit]

Thanks guys. I understand what you are saying about the lyrics totaly, I will work on them. At the same time though I was kind of going for that but I can still do better, maybe more conviction, and still keep the atmosphere. thanks.

[mattinbeloit]

Wonders never cease... Apparently the vocal mealody for the song is a ripoff of a Jars of Clay song called "Frail", at least the lyrics were different this time....

[dmbguitar718]

Guitar is very nice and original, but you haven't developed a sense of vocal melody yet. There's no hook, no variation, and no range. It's the one consistent link missing in your recordings.

Don't worry though, this comes with time. I suggest actually playing the scale and seeing what you come up with.

[jellyfish]

I thought it was fine. I enjoyed it alot. IM not going to tell you how to sing it because it is your song. You sang it the way you meant it to be.

[mattinbeloit]

Guitar is very nice and original, but you haven't developed a sense of vocal melody yet. There's no hook, no variation, and no range. It's the one consistent link missing in your recordings.

Don't worry though, this comes with time. I suggest actually playing the scale and seeing what you come up with.

That's a good idea, i agree.

[mangold]

the guitar is studio quality, consistent, well played and recorded. the lyrics are cliche and hackneed imo, i hold lyrics to a high high standard though.

the vocals werent as bad as i expected from your previous recordings and the comments above mine. these are very decent and this could probably pass for a death cab song, which is a big compliment.

overall a damn good song, im jelaous.

age?

[mangold]

Wonders never cease... Apparently the vocal mealody for the song is a ripoff of a Jars of Clay song called "Frail", at least the lyrics were different this time....

dont let that shit bother you.

[mattinbeloit]

Wonders never cease... Apparently the vocal mealody for the song is a ripoff of a Jars of Clay song called "Frail", at least the lyrics were different this time....

dont let that shit bother you.

I know but they are one of my favorite bands and I feal obligated to change it a little, plus the mealody does get repetitive. age, i'll turn 20 in july.

[Taylor614CE]

Just worte this last night and did a quick recording in my room, tell me what you think, I will be redoing this in the studio sometime soon. I worte the words below...

http://s60.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=18GE ... MTYPPVMTG0

"Tomorrow Today"

Stuck beneath the weight of
A thousand falling things
Where did all the time go
Lost inside a dream
Hiding in the shadows
Save me from a life
Falling down around me
Wouln't you save me from myself

Think about tomorrow
Forget about today
How it makes my life go by
So subtly dismissed
Surround myself in sorrow
No fault but my own
Wish that I could change it now
And give back what I owe

What I owe is nothing
In anothers eyes
But what I owe myself is someting I will never find
See the life I'm missing
And the one that I once had
See the life tomorrow takes
Until I live today

Stuck beneath the weight of
A thousand falling things
Where does all the time go
I'm stuck inside today

Can you repost the link, doesn't work...its expired.
Thanks