Emo song lyrics (critique)

[seanbryantkbq]

This girl Im really diggin right now keeps going out of town for the summer, so i wrote this about her. I wrote it emo on purpose becasue i never thought i would play it for her, but now i am. so can u critique these lyrics?

Tragedy




Sometimes your make up will wash into your eyes when you cry
And you know those tears will carry you off on high
The sand between your toes will drop like stars when you’re lifted up
And I will watch from down here, alone, but not enough
To know that I’m alone again

“Come Fly with Me” the record player plays
We dance to it to fill that void of space
The distance has grown much farther than we know
But I’ll row my boat anywhere to find you home

Now I want you to lay down with me
No more wasted times and feelings
Let me kiss you once for lust, then love
Pray this light still shines on what we know

And I will carry you home
If angels sang, they’d find me no better thing
Then a kiss from you is more than I’d ever know
So let it thrill me, and kill me
And let your eyes, they sing that tragedy

Now I know hard times may pass us
And I might lose you to yesterday’s lust
But I won’t waste these minutes with you now
Our tongues will collide and rest inside our mouths
The space between you and me will close

And I will carry you home
If angels sang, they’d find me no better thing
Then a kiss from you is more than I’d ever know
So let it thrill me, and kill me
And let your eyes, they sing that tragedy
Be mine tonight.

[mrjones]

i think thats pretty good. i like your use of words. it seems a little bland because it seems like a song that has been written before. but still its good

[seanbryantkbq]

Thanks man. How should i spice it up? And make it less bland.

[Flakes]

I think they were quite good

[Kahn]

the space between?