could you all please listen to my song and give some feedbac

[superman0710]

this isn't the finished product ( there's still plenty of editing to be done ), but i wanna get some feedback before i progress with the song.

i was thinking of completely redoing the vocal section ( changing the melody ) but i think it's just the i've heard the song SO MUCH ( because i'm constatnly working on it ) that i just grew sick of it.

so please listen and tell me what you like/dislike ( Especially in terms of vocals ). I hope you enjoy

http://www.rampromotions.com/someothertime.mp3


by the way i'll be:
- reworking the drum tracks
- redoing the solo ( it was improvised to have filler material in the meantime )
- editing the song and fixing the levels





LYRICS: (for those who care)

everyone keeps looking
everyone keeps trying
everyone keeps asking me
why i can't leave this behind

i caught you and angel, but it wouldn't fly
i brought you the ocean, but it ran dry

there's puddles on the ground now
it seems the sky's been crying
it seems a little darker now
i think this world is dying

CHORUS
cause' i've tried
i've tried to many times
... but i don't wanna let go

your house has broken windows
there's gray clouds and the rain
all i have is memories
it's only what remains

i know i'll see you sometime
a strange face in the dark
a smile in the mirror
just hold me til' i'm gone

this long winding place
i don't know where i'll go
wherever i will travel
you'll always have my soul

CHORUS
cause' i've tried
i've tried to many times
... but i don't wanna let go
i don't wanna let go

[MattyTrane]

cool, lemme have a listen

[wakeboarderal05]

I think the guitar part for that song is great, the only thing is that the vocals sound a little too depressing (in my opinion). Try brightening them up a little, that would make it great.

[Xoosh]

i didnt much care for it. (this obviously doesnt mean it was bad... just personal preference)... i've certainly written songs that no one cared for. The drums drove me crazy, they sound fake, the are too loud, etc. (you did mention you're going to fix them though... good idea). The guitar line sounds like it's underwater ... actually everything kind of has an underwater feel... is this because of mp3 compression? Also... i think 6 minutes is a little too long for my tastes... be careful with longer songs, im certainly not dave matthews... and i get very nervous when my music is longer then 3:30 or 4, because there's only so many variations of a theme that we can do creatively .... and professionally ... before it starts to sound mediocre.

I am certianly no expert on recording, music, etc... just my .02

regards,
x

[ticohans]

I agree with Xoosh on the mixing aspect of it. Drums are too loud, and while I think I can hear what you're trying to get with the differrent guitar effects, at times it's just far too washed out, especially on the first chorus. You need a little more bite to it. I don't know if the flange on your voice is a good idea or not. I guess I'd have to think about that more. I would really, really reccomend a reworking of the melody. You said you are thinking about it, and I think the song would benefit immensely by it. It just doesn't grab me; I think it's because it's too stationary. You hang around the same notes all the time, and while many times simplicity is good, there's a fine line between simplicity and monotony, and many times it takes others pointing it out for one to be able to see that. So yeah, I would definitely rework the melody. I don't know if you want to rework the lyrics, but you might be better served if you changed it up in the chorus a little too, I just thought that something beyone the "i've tried" might help that a little more. The best part of the song is the outro, especially beginning around the 5:00 minute marker: you have a nice little swell, the tone gets a little brighter and more clear, and this helps the sound out a lot. Let me also say that I agree with Xoosh's comment about the length. Given that it's pretty much a single progression throughout, with a fairly similar melody, with an unchanging rhythm, I don't know that it bears 6:00+ minutes of music. I think that somehow it needs to be pared down. Maybe you can condense some of the verses? From personal experience, I know it's really hard to junk lyric material at times, but sometimes you have to just bite the bullet...

[MattyTrane]

I didnt like the "underwater" sound either, especially its effect on the vocals.

[superman0710]

I agree with Xoosh on the mixing aspect of it. Drums are too loud, and while I think I can hear what you're trying to get with the differrent guitar effects, at times it's just far too washed out, especially on the first chorus. You need a little more bite to it. I don't know if the flange on your voice is a good idea or not. I guess I'd have to think about that more. I would really, really reccomend a reworking of the melody. You said you are thinking about it, and I think the song would benefit immensely by it. It just doesn't grab me; I think it's because it's too stationary. You hang around the same notes all the time, and while many times simplicity is good, there's a fine line between simplicity and monotony, and many times it takes others pointing it out for one to be able to see that. So yeah, I would definitely rework the melody. I don't know if you want to rework the lyrics, but you might be better served if you changed it up in the chorus a little too, I just thought that something beyone the "i've tried" might help that a little more. The best part of the song is the outro, especially beginning around the 5:00 minute marker: you have a nice little swell, the tone gets a little brighter and more clear, and this helps the sound out a lot. Let me also say that I agree with Xoosh's comment about the length. Given that it's pretty much a single progression throughout, with a fairly similar melody, with an unchanging rhythm, I don't know that it bears 6:00+ minutes of music. I think that somehow it needs to be pared down. Maybe you can condense some of the verses? From personal experience, I know it's really hard to junk lyric material at times, but sometimes you have to just bite the bullet...

awesome criticism, dude! and that goes for all of you. as well as i can play guitar, i've always been insecure about my voice ( isn't that funny ) so i think i try to mask it with effects more than let it stand out. Everyone tells me that i sing well, but i just don't hear it in myself, maybe i need to start trusting myself more.

[ticohans]

glad i could be of a little help